Here I am, with all the amenities in the world. 5 yrs back, I was just another kid in school with aspirations matching the Indian youth today. Cricket and sports used to be my passions. I took up science keeping the practical aspects and monetary returns in mind.
I was from a lower middle class family where my father was the sole bread earner of our family. I have a younger sister whose ambitions are higher than mine. We spent my childhood in a single room with common toilets and the locality resembled the modern day 'chawl' in mumbai.
Then came the testing times of the entrance exams. I went out with my friends for the first time all alone for the CET. I had my target in mind and got that easily.
College too was a breeze. But I was separated from my family. Whenever I went back home, I would be given the treatment one would give guests. There was basically, no place for me in the house. When I had to sleep, a makeshift arrangement was done with a mattress on the floor. It didn’t look like my house at all. It resembled some relatives' house. Everyday mom used to ask me what I wanted to eat, what special I wanted.
I was not looking forward to this mom... All I wanted are you all too just keeping the old affection you had towards me. I just wanted my identity as it used to be like when I stayed in home. I dint want you to go and announce that your son is coming back for a week. I didn’t want all that attention to be given to me. I didn’t want the relatives to schedule a lunch in my honour.
All I wanted is to spend time with my parents. I just wanted to lie down the whole day on the bed and listen to what mom has to say. I just wanted to go out with dad on a father-son expedition. I just wanted to hang around with my sister and enjoy the city.
I didn’t want my name to be advertised by everyone as a good marriage candidate, but as a person who is working hard for a living. I dint want people walking up to me and asking about my CTC rather than the hardships I face living here. I didn’t want to be identified as the guy who works in so and so company. I wanted to be known by my own name or my father's son. Everywhere I go, my own identity goes in the background and other identities that I carry always steal the light. No one cares if my name is Bhawik. All they care is that I am employed and have the potential to earn big time.
Parents are happy that their son is earning and sending money home. They are happy that very soon, I all get married and settle down. Why don’t they realize that al this is bringing in coldness in our relation? Why mom does you think I don’t want to listen to your anecdotes about other people? Why do you think I try and switch the topic when you complain about how others are prospering? I want to know about you, not others. I want to know that you are fine and enjoying life. I want to make sure that you visit all those places that we dreamt of going to as a family. Dad, why do you not realize that all I want is your affection not your advice for the time being. When I think I need an opinion, you will be the first person I will turn to.
Probably this happens to every individual and I am just being too fussy about it. Whatever it is, I have this weird feeling that I am losing interest to be called your son. I do realize that I will not have an identity without you. You have made me what I am and you are the people I love the most in the whole world. But please show your love once a while. I am sure you love me too to the same extent as I do, but it needs to come out. I am not a guest in my own house. I don’t need publicity in our social circles. I am an adult with perfectly sane rationalizing powers and so please entrust me to make my own decisions. I am no one special. I am your own son. Treat me like one.
